When a BAMF Can't get Laid
by wingedmercury
Summary: "Dude, Shino! I still don't know why a BAMF like you isn't getting laid!" "Kiba. Shut up."  How will Shino and Hinata survive the Hokage's wedding?  With a little help from their friends—and a ginormous bottle of sake.  ShinoHina Four-shot.
1. I Prefer Arthropods

**Title: When a BAMF Can't get Laid**

Summary: "Dude, Shino! I still don't know why a bad-ass-mother-fucker like you isn't getting laid!" "Kiba. Shut up." How will Shino and Hinata survive the Hokage's wedding? With a little help from their friends—and a ginormous bottle of sake. ShinoHina four-shot.

This fic is dedicated to **Secretly Insane**, who set her rabid ShinoHina plot bunnies after me:)

Well folks, I'm taking a small break from "Song of Aether" and "Better Off Dead" with this delightful and humorous four-shot. **Will update when each chapter hits ten reviews:)** Enjoy!

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><p><strong>Chapter One: I Prefer Arthropods<strong>

Shino is avoiding his mother.

He is avoiding his father, his teammates, his sensei, his second cousin once removed—_especially_ his second cousin once removed—and anything vaguely humanoid.

From his vantage point, high up in a conifer outside of the village gates, he contemplates his miserable existence with only various and sundry arthropods for company. A spider, hairy-legged and oblivious to his presence, scuttles up the rough bark of the tree. Shino stares at it until finally, the spider blinks up at him with myriad beady eyes; it beats a hasty retreat under the furrowed bark.

An army of ants march, single-file, up the side of the tree, looking for sticky-sweet resins or dead insects to take back to their nest. They are industrious, and pay him no mind, despite the fact that Shino's dour gaze bores into their thick exoskeletons. At last, Shino tires of watching the ants and peers down, through the thick evergreen boughs, to gaze at the clearing directly below him.

It is a beautiful field full of wildflowers, though the flowers in and of themselves are not interesting to Shino; no, it is the butterflies that flit to and fro between the scented blossoms. The sight makes Shino's heart squeeze in dread: not for any sentimental reason, but because his mother is a premier butterfly wielder, and she has been trying to locate Shino all day.

_Not likely,_ Shino muses wryly. His mother may be a formidable tracker, but Shino is in the ANBU Black Ops; Shino has single-handedly dismantled over one-thousand zombies in the last war, and even—

"Shino-kun, get _down_ here!" his mother barks.

Shit.

He peers down through the branches of the tree, only to find his mother staring up at him. Shino thought he was being clever, skirting the flower-bedecked meadows and sticking to the trees, using his insects to form a chakra field around his person. Alas, his mother has found him despite his best intentions. Why? Because Shino was careless, and let his distraught emotions disrupt his carefully constructed chakra flow. His mother has taken advantage of this.

She is a calculating and cruel opponent.

Chagrined and left with little choice, Shino descends into the bright meadow. The sunlight hurts his eyes, even behind his sunglasses, but his mother's shrill tone hurts even worse.

"Shino-kun," she snaps, arms crossed and covered in treacherous, garish butterflies. "Akemi-chan has been waiting for you _all day_. I told you to show her around the village; you were supposed to help her buy a dress for tonight's festivities!"

Shino sighs, utterly defeated. The celebrated war-hero of Konoha, Zombie-Slayer, Demon-Tracker, Sharingan's-Bane—

"Shino, are you _listening?"_

—Stands, shaking like a disturbed spider on his web, in front of his mother. Shino sighs. "Yes, mother, I am listening."

"Good," she spits. "Go home and meet _Akemi-chan_." Her voice takes on an almost musical lilt as she says _Akemi-chan_, who is Shino's second cousin once removed from his mother's side._ "_And in case you even _think_ about shirking your host duties, before you even _think_ of bringing shame onto our family, take Tassa with you." A yellow-swallow-tail butterfly alights from his mother's arm and lands on Shino's shoulder; this, he assumes, is Tassa—the butter_spy_.

"There's nowhere to run, Shino-kun," his mother states. "All your little friends are getting paired up; and it's high-time you preformed your duty—"

"I know, I know," Shino grunts, his voice pained. "Grandchildren."

"Exactly," his mother smirks.

Shino resists the urge to hit himself in the face and shishuns away from his mother. His heart drops into the soles of his shoes, like Mayfly eggs sinking to the bottom of an icy cold stream.

He is not looking forward to tonight's festivities. And there are _so_ many reasons why.

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><p>Akemi is oohing and ahhing over silken dresses and bedangled hand-bags. Her shining black hair is pulled into a loose knot at the nape of her neck, and her wide black eyes shine like obsidian in the sunlight. "Shino-kun," she practically squeals, "what do you think of this one?"<p>

It is a question he has been asked many times. "It's very nice," he replies flatly, as if by rote.

"I like it because it has butterfly patterns on it. Because of my butterflies! Do you think it will be fashionable for the wedding? I do so want to be fashionable," she babbles.

Shino stifles a sigh. His second cousin once removed would look good clothed in a burlap sack. He knows she is (outwardly) beautiful, and _she_ knows she is beautiful. He doesn't understand the need to try on _every single dress in the entire store._ No, scratch that, he doesn't understand why she needs to try on _every single dress in the entire garment district._ Were all kunoichi from the provincial border towns so tiresome?

Just then, who should burst into the store but Tenten, leading a tight-lipped Hyuga Neji and a red-eyed Hyuga Hinata. "Damn it Neji, I _need_ a new dress for tonight!" Tenten screeches.

Shino shivers involuntarily. He supposes that many kunoichi from the Hidden Leaf are just as irksome and vain as Akemi. It was a well known fact that Tenten's tomboyish tendencies had all been ruined by Yamanaka Ino. She had recently taught Tenten the shrewish, tawdry rites of fashionable women—at least when it came to special occasions. Shino bets that Neji regrets the day he ever enlisted Ino's help to make Tenten "presentable."

"Tenten, you already have—"

"But this is the _Hokage's_ wedding!" she sputters. "The Ho—oh," she finishes lamely, for beside her, Hinata sniffles. "Anyway, bonehead," Tenten resumes after her social blunder, "Hinata-chan doesn't have a _thing_ to wear. I hope you brought enough money, Neji-no-parsimoniuos."

"N-no, r-really, I d-don't—" Hinata mumbles, but Neji cuts her off abruptly.

"Hinata-sama, please; your father has written me a blank check for both you and my fiance to acquire new gowns for tonight's affair," he murmurs.

Tenten's eyes grow as wide as a pair of Japanese Giant Hornets, insects as big as human thumbs that spray flesh-melting poison. "A blank check, you say?" she breathes.

Just then, Hinata meets Shino's gaze. She waves, weakly. Shino, thrilled at having female help with his feather-headed cousin, takes Akemi's elbow and hauls her over to the group of Hyugas. "Hyuga-san, Hyuga-san, Hinata-san, a pleasure to run into you." What a pleasure it is, they have no idea. "This is my cousin, Aburame Akemi."

Tenten snorts. "Don't call me Hyuga-san. You make it sound like I'm already an old married lady. Hey Akemi-chan, nice to meet you!"

Akemi grins an ear-splitting smile. "I'm pleased to meet you all! Though don't let Shino fool you, I'm his second cousin once removed!"

"Tenten is renowned for her excellent taste in garments," Shino breaks in hastily, hoping his ulterior motives don't shine through too clearly. "Perhaps she would be so kind as to—"

"Oh, yes!" Akemi squeals; both men wince at the ferocity of said squeal. She shoves her florid dresses into Tenten's capable hands, and the two are abuzz with excitement.

Shino sends a silent prayer of thanks to the gods and sidles up to Hinata, who is gazing blankly down at the floor. "Hinata-chan," he mumbles, "are you…?" He wants to ask if she is all right, but it is a stupid question; he trails off.

Hinata blinks, coming back to reality. She smiles sweetly—though Shino is sure her usual sweetness is tinged with melancholy—and puts a clammy hand on his arm. "Shino-kun," she murmurs, obliquely avoiding his question, "what a surprise to run into you. Your cousin is lovely."

He wants to say that his cousin is a lovely _pain in the ass_, and that no matter how his mother harangues and harries him, he will not, _will_ _not,_ marry such a fop. But instead, he mutters a noncommittal grunt. There is a moment of awkward silence. They are in the middle of an aisle of garment racks, and flushing, shopping-happy women jostle them in their frantic movements; regardless Shino and Hinata stand as still as assassin bugs.

Hinata is about to move away, but Shino feels unsettled—because Hinata, his teammate, is in pain and he can do nothing about it; because he has been avoiding her for this very same reason when he really should have been helping her—and so, in a motion of guilt-laden friendliness, he places a hand on her shoulder. "I saw a dress that would look nice on you," he blurts out. Hinata is probably the only kunoichi he would ever offer to help in this fashion; but then, he and Hinata had been friends for a long time. Shino muses wryly that Hinata is one of the few humans whose presence he enjoys and appreciates, and he is eager to alleviate her suffering, today of all days.

Hinata blinks up at him, then smiles a slow, weak smile. "I didn't know you liked picking out dresses, Shino-kun," she teases, but her voice is reedy-thin, like a cricket at dawn who is hoarse from chirping.

He can tell that Hinata has been crying: her tone of voice and her red eyes say it all. But his concern for Hinata's well-being wars with his utter embarrassment at being caught dress-shopping; Shino blushes from his toes to the tips of his ears. "Ah…my cousin…" he mutters lamely.

Hinata takes his arm. "That would be very kind of you, Shino-kun, to save me from Tenten's administrations. She is very pushy—she is trying to be kind, but… She wants me to wear the kind of dress that will attract…_attention_."

"Ah. No, this dress is very dignified." _Which is why Akemi didn't want it; she would rather dress herself up in the flashiest of fabrics to resemble her butterflies,_ he thinks waspishly. If only women were more sensible like his longtime partner, Hinata; he would have less trouble accommodating his mother's urging for him to "settle down." His stomach twists painfully at the thought. His mother will _never_ get him to marry anyone as foolish as his cousin; Akemi has about as much sense as a butterfly who is so busy admiring her own coloring, she is trapped in a spider's web.

Forcing his thoughts to still, he leads Hinata to a rack towards the middle of the store. "This one," he murmurs gravely. "Why? Because it is subtle yet beautiful, flattering yet modest. It also matches your coloring."

Hinata takes the proffered dress with a blush, running her hands across the light lavender fabric. The skirt is unadorned, fine silk, but the bodice is filigree, as delicate and beautiful as a spider web glimmering with dew drops. Shino squints, and sees with satisfaction that the precious stones sewn into the tasteful lacework are real, and not glass. Hinata's hands dance over the billowing, belled sleeves and examine the price tag.

"It's not too extravagant…" she mutters under her breath, while Shino silently commends her for her financial prudence. She looks up at Shino, gratitude written across her features. "Thank you, Shino-kun. You saved me from having to shop all day with Tenten-chan. Also…" She plays with the cool, smooth folds of the flowing sleeves for a moment. "Also, knowing that you picked out this dress for me will help me to stay cheerful."

Shino is about to say something, but he is cut off by Tenten's shrill voice. "Oi! Hinata-chan! Do you have a dress yet? Come on, the ceremony is only hours away, and we still need to get these tailored, and our hair done, and our makeup—"

"C-coming, T-tenten-n-neesan!" Hinata squeaks. And then to Shino: "Sorry, Tenten's…glamourous side is coming out again. I think Ino did too good of a job when she helped Tenten dress for Shikamaru and Temari's wedding. Now, Tenten is very fastidious about her appearance for special occasions; it is her way of bringing honor to the family." Hinata looks thoughtful for a moment, then meets his gaze once more. "Thanks again, Shino-kun. I'll see you…tonight."

Were his eyes deceiving him, or did Hinata's eyes cloud just the slightest bit as she said that last word? "See you," Shino buzzes.

"Oi, Hinata—" Tenten cries from across the room.

"I-I'm c-c-coming, T-tenten-ch-chan!" Hinata mumbles as she scurries towards the dressing room.

Why is it that Hinata hardly ever stutters around him? Shino wishes that she could be more confident around other people; though he supposes that she is exceedingly stressed today, and he does not blame her for stuttering more than usual when startled. He lets out a long sigh. At least he, Hinata, and Kiba are all going to be seated together at tonight's event; the Hokage insisted on informal seating arrangements based on teams, just like he had insisted on less-formal attire for the wedding. Shino shakes his head. It would have been more dignified if the event called for traditional kimonos, but Shino is thankful about the casual seating arrangements.

Shino is broken out of his musings by a strident voice. "Oi! Shino-kun, there you are, I've been looking for you all over, I'm ready to buy my dress now! I couldn't decide between the green dress with emerald butterflies, or the peach one with yellowish orangish butterflies, but then Tenten…"

Shino zones out after that. Compared to Hinata, who considers every word as carefully as a merchant weighing gold, Akemi has a terminal case of verbal diarrhea. In a blur of activity, Shino pays an exorbitant amount for a garish orange gown and a matching handbag atrocity. Then Akemi leads him homewards, babbling incoherently all the while; her voice sounds like the incessant whine of mosquitoes.

Shino is not sure that he will survive an entire day with his second cousin once removed; he may have to plug up his ears with insects. However, he feels guilty for complaining. Truly, it is Hinata who is having a harder time of it. Shino worries that he will not be able to protect Hinata sufficiently tonight, what with Akemi buzzing around him like a blackfly. He shakes his head at that thought. _I'll just have to do the best I can…_

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><p><em><strong>an reviews=faster updates:)**  
><em>


	2. Mother Fucking Zombie Slayer

_a/n thanks for all the nice reviews people:) As promised, here is your update!_

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><p>Chapter Two: <strong>Mother Fucking Zombie Slayer<strong>

"Dude, I still don't know why a bad-ass mother-fucker like you isn't getting laid!"

"Kiba," Shino buzzes wearily, "please—"

"I mean, whose genius idea was it to send paralyzing chakra bugs through the zombie lines in the last war? Yours! The official count—"

"One thousand, five-hundred and seventy six," Shino buzzes. "That's how many zombies my insects removed from the battlefield."

"Right man, right! And who tracked the Uchiha-no-bastard before he launched a sneak attack on our army? Whose tracking jutsu helped to predict Sasuke's movements in battle?" Kiba pauses expectantly.

"Mine," Shino mutters at last.

"I mean, I don't get it. You are the Zombie-Slayer! The mother-fucking—"

"I don't fuck my mother—"

"—Zombie-Slayer! What else did they call you? Uchiha-Bane?"

"Sharingan-Bane," Shino answers dolefully. "Where's your _charming_ girlfriend?"

"Don't change the subject on me, Zombie-Slayer!" Kiba shouts. "You've got the hottest cousin—"

"Second cousin once removed—" Shino snaps.

"Whatever! She's hot! Your mom—"

"Is foisting her upon my person. Can you please finish with the clasp on my kimono? We're going to be late." While the Hokage had insisted on an "informal" wedding, Shino still prefers his formal kimono. For one, it is custom designed for him, with a high collar. For the other, it is jet-black silk, with his family emblem emblazoned along the hem. Simple, black, and helping to obscure his face: it meets all the requirements for tonight's festivities.

"Dude, you're not going to wear your sunglasses, are you?"

"Of course I am. Why would I not?"

Kiba sighs as he finishes with Shino's kimono. "This, my friend, is why you never get laid." The obstreperous ninja straightens his own charcoal gray suit, then smooths down his tie.

Shino just shakes his head. He has no interest in "getting laid," as Kiba so crassly puts it. He has his duties, his clan, his honor; he has no time for frivolity. "Kiba," Shino suddenly asks, "do you know who is escorting Lady Hinata to the wedding?"

Kiba simply shrugs. "She said she had it covered. Come on, I bet my girlfriend is downstairs talking to that hot-piece-of-ass cousin of yours." Before Shino can throw something sharp at his "friend," Kiba is already out the door.

Downstairs, Shino's mother is wearing one of the new fashioned dresses, a birthday-cake pink dotted with chartreuse butterflies. Beside her, his father's garb is a carbon-copy of his own traditional kimono. Shino shakes his head; how his father married his mother, he will never know. It seems like his mother would like him to repeat his father's mistake in match-making; she shoves Akemi to his side, her bright orange gown fluttering like a wind-blown flame with the motion. "You look great, Shino-kun!" Akemi beams.

Kiba snickers as he twines arms with his current girlfriend, a civilian girl whose chest is so large, Shino is sure she will fall face-first come a strong gale. Akamaru lays like a throw-rug at the girl's feet.

Shino's mother glares at him, and for a moment, he doesn't know why. Then, he remembers what he is supposed to say: "You look nice, Akemi-san."

Akemi titters at that. "I thought I told you to call me Akemi-chan!"

Her coquettish nature stings worse than a scorpion's bite. She begins babbling to him as they exit the house, hanging onto his arm like a tick. Shino grunts every once in a while to give her the impression that he is listening: in reality, his mind is far, far away.

Shino thinks back to what Kiba had said in his bedroom: why wasn't a "bad-ass mother-fucker," to phrase it in Kiba's parlance, not getting any female attention? Certainly his reputation and his increase in status within ANBU should appeal to most women?

He stifles a sigh, for he knows the answer only too well: only a kunoichi with a strong stomach or another insect-wielding shinobi would be able to tolerate his company. Shino eyes his parents before his gaze travels to the chirping bauble by his side. Perhaps this is why his father, stern patriarch of the Aburame clan, settled down with his more frivolous mother: desperation.

But Shino feels his gorge rise at this. Surely he is not doomed to wed his second cousin once removed just because he is out of options? Perhaps there are other cousins, less shallow than Akemi?

"…Isn't it funny, Shino-kun? There are so many guys in our clan, but I'm one of the very few Aburame kunoichi!"

Shino comes to with a start. "You are?" he asks, dazed.

"Yu-huh. Well let's see, besides me, there's Dari, but she's ten years your senior and has a mustache. Then there's Kunumari, but she's five years younger and she's only a genin; she'll probably stay a genin too, she's not very talented," Akemi shares in a whisper. "Then there's Shavari, but…well, she's criminally insane."

Shino gulps. "There's…no one else…?"

"Nope! That's it!" Akemi chimes blithely. It's all Shino can do to keep walking, because he has just lost all feeling in his extremities.

He is doomed, and Naruto's wedding is going to be his funeral. What is he going to do if Akemi catches the bouquet? Naruto had seen that particular ritual in a movie, and was adamant about including it; it was probably going to be the only traditional aspect of Naruto's wedding, never-mind that it wasn't traditional Kohonan. His mother shoots Shino a meaningful look, and it is then he knows that he is a dead man walking.

Shino walks in a daze to the reception area, a large field on the outskirts of the village. Spanning the field, there is a massive archway draped with paper lanterns, glowing with the muted colors of the rainbow. The full moon rises like a specter in the east, while the sun sinks low on the red horizon. Crepuscular creatures, like bats and hawks, swoop down on the outskirts of the clearing looking for mosquitoes and mice, respectively.

Somehow, Akemi manages to lead him their assigned seats. There is a spot next to him reserved for Hinata, who has not yet arrived. His shaded eyes sweep the field, ignoring Akemi's vapid chit-chat. There! Over on the western side of the field, he can see the Hyuga clan converging on the ceremony as if they are one unit; it reminds him of a plague of locusts with bleached, compound eyes.

"Oi! Hinata! Hinata-chan, over here, over here!" Kiba barks, waving like a lunatic. Shino resists the urge to smack his teammate, and instead waves silently. She is wearing the light lavender dress, and Shino smiles; she looks lovely in it. As she approaches, he can see her hair has been done up in a chignon and woven with baby-blue-eyes, a light blue wildflower.

Suddenly, Shino realizes that Hinata has come to the wedding alone—without a date. He is thankful the collar on his kimono is high so that he does not betray his surprise. Damn Kiba! Was he lying when he said that Hinata was taken care of? Or had Hinata hidden the truth from them on account of her pride?

Chagrined but outwardly placid, Shino swears that had he known, he would have insisted on taking Hinata as his date, and not just because it would have been a convenient excuse to escape Akemi's clutches. "Hinata-chan!" Kiba bellows, leaping out of his chair to give her a hug.

"Oi! C-careful K-kiba-kun!" she squeaks. "I'm wearing h-high h-heals!" She grins sheepishly as her teammate unhands her. "I had to use extra chakra on my feet, but I managed to walk all the way here without tripping."

Shino shakes his head. Why would Hinata wear such impractical footwear? She seems to divine what he is thinking, because she ventures, "Tenten insisted. And since _I_ insisted on minimal make-up, the shoes had to stay." She takes her place beside Shino and smiles.

"Oh, hey Hinata-chan! You look lovely!" Shino's date chimes.

"N-not really—I mean… T-thank you, Akemi-chan. It must b-be the concealer! You look very beautiful yourself. And you, Tsubaki-chan," she says with a smile to Kiba's girlfriend. "You look lovely!"

The women begin chatting over his head, and Shino feels disoriented. It is like being a fly caught in the middle of a frog-filled pond; he can hear the sonorous croaking noises coming from all sides, and he is unsure of which way to fly without getting caught by a long tongue.

Thankfully, he doesn't have to wait long. Ino, her blonde hair in a cascade of tiny braids falling down her bare back, motions for quiet up on the dais. Her golden dress glitters with the movement. "Hey everybody! I'm the minister for today's ceremony! So be quiet, 'cause here comes the groom!"

The crowd is anything but quiet as Naruto, led by Kakashi and Iruka, travels down the aisle. There are hoots and hollers and barks and all kind of crude noises. Shino shakes his head; the Hokage's wedding is more like a rowdy night at the bar. Naruto displays his iconic, sheepish, shit-eating grin as he all but trots down the central aisle. Shino ignores Akemi's ooooooohs and aaaaaaaaaaaws and turns towards Hinata. Her eyes are as dry as shed cicada skins, and her lips are pinned back in a smile.

"Are you all right, Hinata-chan?" he whispers.

"Hmm," is her only reply.

Once Naruto takes his place on the platform, waving wildly to the crowd, Ino gestures for silence once more. "Pipe down! Here comes the bride, and you know she'll kick your behinds if you don't give respect!"

A hush falls over the crowd as Sakura approaches, though whether it is from reverence or fear of bodily harm, Shino is not sure. Sakura is led down the aisle by a misty-eyed Lady Tsunade. Sakura's long, pink wedding dress flows out behind her like cherry blossom petals on the wind, and Shino rolls his eyes. He hates the sentimentality of it all, but most of all, he is uncomfortable.

He chances another glance at Hinata, whose frozen smile and blank stare have not changed. Without thinking, he reaches out and puts his hand over hers; her skin is as cold as ice. She blinks at him before covering his hand with her other hand, and wordlessly nods her thanks.

The ceremony is a haze: Ino is quite the comedian/faux-priest, while Naruto and Sakura give each other syrupy sweet looks over the altar. Meanwhile, the crowd is either crying or laughing hysterically.

"Aw, they're just so sweet I could so _die,_" Akemi mutters to Shino, wiping tears from her cheeks. "I wonder if we—I mean, if _I'll_ ever be that happy."

"Whahaha, oh my god, Ino soooooo did not say that!" Kiba whimpers, his eyes tearing from laughter.

"Haha, I think she just did! Shazam!" Tsubaki titters.

Meanwhile, Shino cannot see or hear the wedding ceremony or its rambunctious audience; his field of vision tunnels in on Hinata: her trembling hands clutching his, her fake, taunt smile, her white eyes blank as mirrors. _She shouldn't have come alone,_ he cries, inwardly. He glares accusingly at Tenten and Neji, who sit one row back; Tenten's gooey eyes are fixated on the wedding party, but Neji meets his gaze: _I know,_ are all his pupiless eyes seem to communicate. _But what the hell was I supposed to do?_

"I now pronounce you man and wife!" Ino chimes, her termagant voice breaking Shino out of his silent staring conversation with Neji. The crowd raises to its feet and cheers; Shino winces from the impact of the noise. Hinata drops his hand and rises too, with the leaden movements of a mourner; she brings her hands together in a dull clap. "I'm h-happy for them," she mumbles, her voice all but enveloped by the roar of the crowd. "I'm r-really, t-truly h-happy for them."

"Me too," Shino lies. "Me too."

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><p><em>an Thanks for reading:) Remember, reviews=my undying love & affection:)_


	3. A Little Weird, but Mostly Awesome

a/n thanks for all your nice reviews! Seriously and for real:) As promised, here is your update!

xoxoxo!

Wings

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><p>Chapter Three: <strong>A Little Weird, but Mostly Awesome<strong>

Before the official reception can begin, all the clan heads are required to give their new Hokage and his wife a gift. And though Hinabi has recently been proclaimed the next head of the Hyuga household, both Hinata and Hinabi will present the gift; it was something that Hinata had insisted on. Back then, before the actual ceremony, she had thought that this was a good idea.

Now, she is not so sure.

Naruto and Sakura sit on the platform on large silk cushions, lounging like gypsies. They are bedecked in flowers: the lilies in their hair symbolize majesty and honor, the red roses pinned to their garments are for love, and stalks of stephanotis twined into garlands around their necks stand for marital happiness. Hinata wonders if anyone will understand the symbolism of the light-blue flowers twined in her own hair. _No_, she supposes, _they probably will not_. Her cold hand plays with the baby-blue-eyes blossoms in her locks as she and Hinabi wait in line.

"Healing broken bonds," she mutters, as if to herself; for that is what the baby-blue-eyes in her hair symbolize.

"What was that, oneesan?"

"Hm? Nothing." She does not realize that she had spoken aloud.

"You don't have to do this, Hinata." Hinabi eyes her curiously.

"I want to do this," Hinata lies. "Come. Give me the box. It's almost our t-turn."

"Tch. Fine. Just don't stutter when you offer the gift. It will bring shame to our family." Hinabi places a hand on her hip, but then softens once she takes in Hinata's countenance. "Or…forget it. You won't bring shame to our family, let's just get this over with. You'll be _fine,_" Hinabi mutters as she pushes her older sister forward. It is their turn.

"Oi! Hinata-chan!"

"Thanks so much for your gift," Sakura murmurs demurely, taking the box from Hinata's shaking fingers.

"It is our honor, Hokage-sama, Sakura-s-sama," she replies; she only stutters once, but it is one time too many. Her face flushes a dark pink before she gives a low bow; she hopes the movement hides her shame. She is supposed to say more, something official-sounding, but she cannot get her mouth to work.

Hinabi smoothes down her blood-red kimono, her perfectly manicured nails glinting in the lantern light, before she takes over. "The Hyuga clan wishes you a long marriage filled with happiness. We hope you will accept our humble gift," her sister states coolly, her face a perfect, serene mask.

Hinata envies Hinabi then, envies her for her perfect voice, her perfect face; for being, in general, the perfect personification of the Hyuga clan. It is yet another clear example why Hinabi is the new heir, and Hinata is not. Hinata's face burns again, and not even her pale white concealer can hide her blush.

Sakura, who has already undone the wrapping paper, pops the lid off of the white box. The gift is anything but humble. "Oh, they are lovely," Sakura offers, genuinely smiling as she pulls out a matching pair of armbands. They are made of beaten gold and studded with lapis lazuli, rhodochrosite, and moonstones, spiraling in the whirlpool symbol.

Naruto makes a great show of putting on the handsome piece of jewelry while Sakura does the same. Meanwhile, Hinata is feeling quite sick; she is sure her magenta blush has faded, and that her face instead is turning a sickly green. "Thanks so much Hinata-chan—er, I mean, Hyuga-sama, and—um—Hyuga-sama!" Naruto chimes at the Hyuga sisters.

Hinata and Hinabi bow in unison. "It is our honor," they state simultaneously. At least Hinata remembered to say her line; however, she is quite frozen in place after she gives her bow. Hinabi exhales sharply as she takes Hinata by the crook of her elbow, away from the dais. Hinata's free hand flies up to trace the curve of her smile to make sure it is still there; her face has gone numb, and she can no longer feel her lips.

"You did fine," Hinabi whispers. "Stop shaking."

"Oh." That is all Hinata mutters before Hinabi shoots her an exasperated look. Her sister finds her date—Konohamaru, the shoo-in for the next Hokage after Naruto—and leaves Hinata standing by the side of the stage.

Hinata's feet seem to be glued to the ground. All around her, wedding guests circle like a school of brightly colored fish; she is dizzy from their whirling. She feels her smile falter, but she must not, _must not_ let it fall; she must prop it up even though it is crumbling faster than a ratty roof on rotten rafters. She wants to shake her head at that imagery, to chase it out of her mind, but she _can't,_ and then it seems like her mouth is full of cavities, that her teeth are turning black and falling out of her mouth, like she is trapped in a genjutsu and she _can't get out, oh gods I—_

"Hinata?" It is Shino. She does not know when he appeared; she smiles weakly. "Hinata-chan, are you…?"

"I'm fine," she feigns, mastering her facial expression and taking his proffered hand. "I just…need a drink." In truth, Hinata has never drunk much of anything before, but she feels like _I need a drink_ is the proper thing to say in a situation like this.

Shino looks at her quizzically—to an outsider, he looks as impassive as ever, but Hinata can read Shino even without her Byakugan. He finally assents with a nod of his head. "Where is your date?" Hinata ventures as they near the open bar.

He jerks his head towards the band, who are readying their instruments. There is Akemi, being plied with drinks by a couple of Jonin; she looks like she is having fun. Hinata is glad someone is…

"Tamaki and Nuri owed me some favors," Shino mutters cryptically as he hands Hinata a beverage. She sips it delicately; when it is clear that the drink won't bite her, she takes another sip.

"I shouldn't keep you from your date—f-forgive me," Hinata mumbles, playing with the ends of her sleeve. She should go, she really should, but she doesn't want to be alone right now.

"Believe me. You're doing me a favor." Shino looks so disgruntled as he says that, Hinata cannot help but laugh. But the laughter is nervous and short lived; soon, she is staring into her glass of sake and wondering just how much more alcohol she will need to _forget_. "Lethe," she mutters aloud.

"You want me to leave?"

"Oh. N-no," Hinata replies, alarmed by Shino's hurt expression. "Lethe. It's the name of a river—that's what Tsunade told me. She said that anyone who drinks out of that river forgets… I was just thinking about the sake." Hinata shakes her head; she is not thinking clearly.

But when she looks up at Shino, he seems to understand. "I don't blame you for wanting to forget something that is unpleasant. Why? For I, too, have things I would rather forget; though I do not say that to make light of your feelings." He clinks his glass with hers, then takes a long, steady drink until he drains his glass completely. Hinata thinks that this is what one is supposed to do with sake, and downs hers as well, even though it burns her throat and makes her cough afterwards.

"Shino," she sputters after she regains the ability to speak, "is there something…?"

Shino merely shrugs and refills their glasses. He gestures with his glass towards a quieter part of the celebratory field. Hinata blinks and realizes that the dancing has started, and that they are about to be trampled if they stay standing here much longer. With a surreptitious glance over her shoulder, she follows Shino to a tree strung with paper lanterns. The multicolored light throws half of Shino's face in blue, and the other half in pink, like a strange chiaroscuro; it makes her giggle.

"What's so funny?" Shino inquires innocently.

"Huh? Oh. I d-dunno." She can't tell him it is because half of his face is pink and she thinks that it is _adorable_. She leans back against the tree and looks over at the celebratory dancers; her smile fades when she sees Sakura and Naruto hefted up on the crowd's shoulders.

"What an unruly party," Shino mutters. "Why? Because our clans are traditional, and would never allow for such unruly behavior."

"Hm." Hinata's cheeks flush as she sips more on her sake. "Shino-kun? When I'm old and alone and living like a miserable c-cat lady—" She takes a deep breath before continuing, "You'll come visit me, r-right?"

Shino looks at her like she's grown a second head; and even though she rarely stutters around Shino, who's basically been her best-friend-teammate-surrogate-brother for as long as she's been on Team Eight, she loses all ability to form words coherently. "Y-you k-know, c-cause w-w-we've a-always b-been f-f-friends a-and a-and a-and…" Hinata takes a deep breath; she feels tears threatening to spill, but just before they can, Shino speaks up.

"Hinata. What you ask is a moot point."

"M-m-moot?"

"Exactly. Moot. Why? Because you will not end up old and alone in a house full of cats. Why? Because you are kind, and smart, and brave, and beautiful; Naruto is a fool."

Hinata blinks. Shino has never been the effusive type, and she reckons that he is holding his alcohol as well as she is; which is to say, not well at all. Hinata swears that Shino is blushing, but it's hard to tell in the soft blue-pink lantern light.

"No I'm n-not," Hinata blurts out. She is sure she is blushing furiously, though she hopes Shino will chalk it up to the effects of alcohol.

"I…" The silence draws between them.

Hinata looks at him askance. "What?"

"Well. Even if no one else does… I think you are."

It takes Hinata a few moments to digest what he has just said. After all, her brain feels very fuzzy, and it's awfully hard to think straight. She blinks slowly until the truth dawns on her: _Shino thinks I'm beautiful? _ The _kind-smart-brave_ part she could have guessed, coming from her trusty teammate, but beautiful? She sighs softly; Shino must just be trying to make her feel better. "T-thank you, Shino-kun. You have always been one of my dearest friends. Thank you for sitting with me when you would rather be with your date—"

"She's my second cousin, once removed," Shino breaks in hastily. "And I'd rather be _here_."

She smiles shyly and tries to take another sip of sake, but she realizes her glass is empty. _These glasses are so big, _Hinata thinks with effort. She is sure she has drunk more tonight than she has in her entire lifetime. Hinata frowns; she would like more alcohol, but she is not sure if her legs will support her weight if she tries to stand.

Thankfully, Shino seems to sense her quandary. With ninja acuity and stealth, he slinks off to the bar and comes back with an entire, unopened bottle of sake. Hinata titters at that. "See! This is why you're an ANBU captain!"

"Shhh," Shino whispers. "That's supposed to be classified."

"Oh!" Hinata covers her mouth with both hands, horrified at her slip. "S-sorry! That's why _I'm_ not an ANBU c-captain," she whispers with chagrin.

"It's okay," he replies with a smile. "I think everyone is too drunk to hear us, anyway."

"Hmmm." Hinata holds out her glass for a refill. The sake sloshes up over the rim of her glass, sprinkling her fingers, but she hardly notices. "Shino-kun?" He steadies his own glass of sake and looks at her expectantly. "I'll be okay; you don't have to worry about me."

His brows furrow. "I know. But I'll worry anyway."

Hinata giggles again, though she is not sure why it is so funny. "You're a good teammate, Shino-kun. You always watch my back."

Shino smiles wryly and clinks his glass with hers. "I'll toast to that—"

"Oi! Team Eight par-tay! Why wasn't I invited!" Hinata blinks up at Kiba; she is not sure where he came from. Some scout she is; normally, she would have noticed Kiba coming from a mile away. She shakes her head from side to side to clear her thoughts, but it only makes the ground lurch.

"Of course you'rrrre invited Kiba," Hinata protests, slurring slightly. "Where's Tssssubaki?"

"Eh, dancing," Kiba mutters with a grunt, gesturing towards the writhing dance-floor some distance away; Hinata can barely hear the strains of music from where they are sitting, but from what she can hear, it sounds lively. "I was worried about you, Hinata-chan. You okay?"

"Why shouldn't I be okay?" Hinata blinks up at Kiba for a moment. "Oh yeah. _That,_" she mutters, looking out at the celebration. "Hmmm. Well, I'm fine, thank you forrr assssking, Kiba-kun."

"Tch. How much has she had to drink, Shino? Have you been taking care of her? Is she—"

"Kiba-kun, I'm rrright _here_, and I'm _fffine._ Know why? 'Cause I've got the best teammates in the whole world." Hinata smiles as she says this, a warm, shit-eating grin splitting her face in two. "Cheerrrs?"

Kiba guffaws and grabs the bottle of sake, clinking it with Hinata and Shino's glasses. "Cheers!" he cries before drinking directly from the bottle.

"Cheers," Shino adds in a monotone, the corners of his lips twitching upwards in a grin. Hinata giggles; it's not often that the insect-tamer smiles.

Just as Kiba puts down the bottle and wipes the alcohol from his face with his suit sleeve, Tsubaki beckons him from the crowd. "Well, the little lady is calling for me. You know Shino, you should find your hot—er, I mean, _honored_ cousin, before she's hauled off by that lecher, Genma."

"Let him have her," Shino deadpans. "I could care less. Besides, I have more important people to attend to."

Kiba rises, conflicting urges written clearly across his face: getting Shino together with his hot (honored) cousin at odds with the need to protect Hinata. He frowns. Then, suddenly, his whole face brightens, like a lightbulb has gone off in his head. "You should _totally_ stay here with Hinata, Shino!" Kiba shouts at last, giving him a thumbs up. "Two birds, one stone. Heh, heh. Oh man, this is _awesome._ A little weird…but mostly awesome! Heh, heh. Okay, see you later!" And with that cryptic remark, he is gone.

Hinata blinks at Kiba's retreating figure. What on earth did _that_ mean?

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><p><em>an only one more chapter to go! Remember, reviews=faster updates:)_


	4. The Mission

_a/n This has been a really fun ride all:) Thanks for the sweet reviews, I love you all madly:) _

_Also, I'm having an epic updating fit, and will have updated 4 fics before the weekend: **"Better Off Dead,"** "**Song of Aether,"** and "**The Forest"** in addition to this lovely piece. Check'm out if you'd like!_

_Happy weekend, and thanks for being epic readers:)_

_Updated to the song "The Greatest Light is the Greatest Shade" by the Joy Formidable:)  
><em>

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><p>Chapter four:<strong> The Mission<br>**

Shino stares at Kiba as he runs off to find his bimbo-girlfriend. What the hell was that dog-brained ninja talking about? Shino swears that Kiba is such an idiot. And worse, the dolt just drained half the sake bottle at one go. Did Kiba even care what lengths Shino had gone through to pilfer the bottle? Tsunade-sama and her gooneys had been guarding the so-called "open" bar like hawks; he had been forced to expend chakra, even in his inebriate state, just to get past the drunkard-sama.

Of course, they _could_ have been guarding the bar because Rock Lee had just enjoyed a "youthful" taste of sake and is now "passionately" sparring with Guy sensei, Tenten, and Neji. When Shino had left the bar, he heard rumors that Genma and his cousin Akemi (well, second cousin once removed…or was it first cousin twice removed? He can't remember…) were placing bets on who was going to be the winner. Personally, he had his money on Lee.

"Hey Shino…" Hinata ventures when he returns. She is fidgeting with her glass.

"Yes?"

"Well…is there something on your mind?" When Shino doesn't respond, Hinata presses on, "Because if you are drinking like I am, it's to forget something. You know," she calls airily, "I didn't think anyone could be as upset as I am today, but I think you're upset."

"I'm upset?" he mutters. Hinata nods solemnly. "Maybe I just don't like parties?"

"You don't like parties, but you are also upset. Are you afraid of ending up old and alone in a house full of c-cats, like me?"

"You always stutter when you say cats; do you not like cats?"

Hinata chews the inside of her cheek. "I don't like cats. But you are changing the subject."

Shino groans and leans his head against the tree trunk. Hinata is quite forthcoming while under the influence of alcohol. Perhaps he should not have plied her with so many drinks? Shino sighs heavily and decides to tell her the truth. "I'm going to end up old and alone in a house full of bugs."

Hinata wrinkles her nose. "Are you joking?"

"No."

"Oh." She sips her beverage thoughtfully, and when she finds her glass empty, drinks directly from the sake bottle. "At least you like bugs?" she offers at last.

Shino's mouth twitches upwards in a grin despite himself; Hinata is awfully cute when she's intoxicated. "Yes, but you won't visit me if my house if full of bugs."

"What!" Hinata squeaks, slamming the sake bottle down on the ground. "That's not true! I like bugs, too!" she huffs. "And I would always come to visit you, even if your house was full of c-cats."

"Thanks, Hinata-chan." Shino reflects for a moment. "The party is dispersing. May I walk you home, Hinata-chan?"

Hinata nods enthusiastically. With slow, deliberate moments, Shino rises from the ground and offers Hinata his hand. "Oh, the room is spinning," she moans.

"We're outside."

"The outside is spinning?"

"Yes," Shino mutters gravely, bearing her weight on his arm. "I'm sorry I gave you so much to drink—"

"I'm not." She smiles at him, her face flushed. "Come on; I'm sick of this wedding."

They stumble through the gates and towards the Hyuga compound. The full moon casts everything in silvered relief; Hinata's eyes glow like the moon itself, and he is relieved that she is smiling and giggling like an idiot. "I'll bring you a hang-over cure in the morning," Shino offers. "You'll need it."

"Hey Shino!" Hinata shouts. "Hey, Shino? I thought of something f-funny!"

Shino is unable to suppress a chuckle. "What?"

"Your bugs don't bug me. Get it? Get it?" She titters at her own inept joke, but Shino finds it endearing.

"Thanks, Hinata-chan." He means it, too. He feels warm and fuzzy, and not just from the copious amount of inebriants.

"See, Shino? 'Cause you are my best friend in the whole world, and your insects are your jutsu, and any girl that matters is going to see that! So you won't end up old and alone in a house full of bugs, okay? 'Cause I won't let you. That's my promise, and my promise is my ninja way, so it's not ganna happen. Okay? Okay!" she yells.

"And I won't let you end up old and alone in a house full of cats," he counters. "That's my promise."

"So it's a deal! Yosh!" Hinata leaps away from his steadying arm and into the middle of the street. Is it just his imagination, or is Hinata striking her own version of a Might Guy pose? Shino might have been deeply disturbed if he had not been so throughly sloshed.

"It's a deal," Shino adds in all seriousness, holding out his hand. Hinata reaches out and they shake on the deal. "You know Hinata, I'm going on a mission that calls for two people, and I'd love to have you come with—"

"Yes! I will come with you! Yosh!"

"Er…don't you want to know what it is first?"

"Oh." Hinata scratches her head sheepishly; then, she is stumbling over her own two feet and falling towards the ground. Thankfully, Shino catches her, even though he is a bit unsteady on his feet himself. "What's the mission, Shino-kun?" Hinata chirps without missing a beat.

"Hunting for rare insects who have the ability to manipulate chakra," he replies, adjusting her against his side. Some part of his mind muses that she fits quite perfectly against him, that it is comforting to have his arm across her shoulders. And it occurs to him that as much as she is leaning on him for support, he is leaning on her. "I think your Byakugan will be invaluable—"

"How long will we be out of the village?" she asks, her eyes sparkling with moonlight and mischief.

It is the second time his usually meek teammate has interrupted him. Not that he minds—it's just surprising is all. "At least a month."

"And it would just be you and me? No sickeningly sweet couples? No Kiba and Miss. Big Tits? No Naruto and Sakura?" she asks with mounting excitement.

"Hinata, I think you've had too much to drink—"

"Shino! Answer the question!"

"It would be just you and me," he answers, amused at her piqued tone. Her voice isn't shrill, but breathless and full of laughter. "I hadn't picked the second member of my team yet; I was waiting. Mother wanted me to choose Akemi…" He makes a pained face, his mouth puckering as if he's just eaten something sour. "But I'd much rather go with you—"

"Yes! Yes please!"

"Hinata, don't jump up and down, we're going to fall—"

But it's too late, they are already falling, and gravity is a cruel, unforgiving force, even for ninja. Luckily, Shino manages to shield Hinata from most of the impact, though he does hit his head on the packed earth. It's all right though; he doesn't feel it.

"Sorry," Hinata mumbles, embarrassed. "I was excited."

"You sure you won't be bored with just me? For a month?" Shino asks, too disoriented to move. "I could ask—"

"Oh, Shino, your head is bleeding!"

"It is?"

"Uh-huh. I'll kiss it and make it better." Hinata's lips glow blue; for a moment, Shino thinks he's hallucinating things, but no, her lips are glowing, and she's kissing his forehead. His skin tingles and he is hot and cold and shivering; it's a very confusing, contradictory set of feelings. "There, all better," Hinata breathes.

Hinata is still sprawled out on top of him, and they are still a tangle of limbs from their epic, drunken fall. She is giving him a curious look; it is the kind of look he often gives to new and exotic species of chakra bugs that he hasn't quite figured out yet.

"Hinata—"

"Shhhh," she whispers, putting a finger to her lips. "I'm thinking."

"Oh."

She squints down at him. "It's very hard to think right now… Hmmm."

She stares at him for a long, long time. Shino feels beads of sweat dripping down the back of his neck; he can hear the blood rushing in his ears, drowning out all other sounds. Finally, Hinata mumbles, "Well that's interesting." She presses a finger to her lips; Shino finds the movement very disconcerting.

"W-what…?" Great. Now he's the one who's stuttering.

"I think I like kissing you."

Shino stares at her in stunned silence. His mouth opens and closes, but no sound comes out. "O-oh," he finally manages.

"But I'm not sure if it's the alcohol, or…"

"Maybe you're over-thinking it," Shino responds too quickly, with what he hopes is cool logic. "Maybe you should do what feels right."

She nods animatedly. "See Shino, 's why I like you on my team. You always know the right thing to say!" Without further ado, she leans down and presses her moist lips to his.

For a moment, Shino feels like he's suspended in the air, like a dragonfly coasting on a breeze; then, he's overwhelmed with that hot-cold tingling sensation again, and Hinata's lips are on his and—dear gods, is that her tongue in his mouth?

Just when he's relaxing into it, there's an obnoxious barking noise. Shino tries to block it out, but the damn dog keeps barking—

"Oh shit, Shino, are you taking advantage of Hinata-chan?" Kiba growls, his sharp fingernails extended. Hinata raises her head and levels Kiba a heated glare. Shino is left gulping for air like a fish on the end of a fishing line. "O-oh, s-shit, my b-bad," Kiba stutters. "Looks like Hinata is taking advantage of _Shino._ See I got worried when we couldn't find you guys at the party and I knew how drunk you both were and then I smelled you guys but I didn't know who was on top so…so I'll just be leaving now."

Kiba backs away slowly; however, Akamaru is convinced that Shino and Hinata are having a puppy pile. The giant ninja dog jumps on top of Hinata and Shino and licks the two of them with enthusiasm, crushing them in the process.

"Kiba," Hinata grumbles once she extricates herself from the mess of limbs, "you are _so_ not invited to the mission."

"Whoah…were you guys on your way to…dude, I so do not want to be invited on _that_ mission. Oh shit! _Oh shit oh shit. _ Hinata, were you suggesting that we have a threesome?"

Hinata blinks. "What's a threesome?"

"Kiba," Shino growls, "you are an ass."

There is a moment of stunned silence—accompanied by a thick tension in the air, like the feeling before a battle begins—and then, Team Eight proceeds to break down in hysterical laughter. Shino swears he has never laughed so hard in his life; his sides are heaving, his eyes are watering, and he cannot breathe. From the looks of it, Hinata and Kiba are having similar problems.

When they finally recover, Kiba and Shino ineptly escort Hinata to the Hyuga compound, careening around corners and howling with laughter in the process.

In the morning, Hinata thinks she is dying; she learns that she is only having a hangover, and is relieved. As per his promise, Shino visits her with a hangover cure in hand: willow bark tea mixed with orange juice and a teaspoon of honey. Hinata makes a face while she drinks it, and to Shino's relief, she is only slightly appalled as she remembers the events of last night. She still agrees to go on the mission with Shino and begins packing after the hangover cure works its magic.

Kiba, however, is still not invited to the mission.

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><p><em>an author is smiling like an idiot, entirely too pleased with herself. Please review and let me know your thoughts ladies and gents:)_


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